Monday, March 14, 2011

Hardly The First Time I've Complained About This, But...

Believe me, I understand when I say this that most women out there will wish to smack me across the head and then give me a litany of their much bigger problems...but see, that's my point.  My problem is very small.

My breasts, that is.  They are very small.  Like, not really there at all small.  I never had much in the way of body issues during pregnancy--mostly because I got sick, so apart from the large belly, I was actually losing weight in the rest of my body.  And because of that, I didn't have much to worry about postpartum either--in fact, I still can't put any weight on, so none of my clothes fit, and frankly I look better with a little more meat.  And so maybe that has something to do with the diminishment of my breasts.  That and weaning.  And birth control.  And a number of other possibilities and I'm just very unhappy with this state of affairs.

I know there are larger problems to have, but I'm still genuinely upset about this.  I feel like I've lost a huge part of my femininity, with all that that implies. 


Kitty said...

Yep...I hear ya. Mine are gone, too. I've never been big, but man, I look at old photos (pre-pregnancy photos!) of myself and sigh. They were only Bs, but I liked Bs! Now I'm an A. I can't believe it.
I think it bothers me more than my husband. I mean, I know that it shouldn't bother him AT ALL, because he loves me for who I am on the inside, blah blah blah...but really, of course I want to look good for him, as well as for myself.
I wish I could say that a year after weaning I look like I did pre-baby, but...I just don't. A friend of mine swears her mom went through the same thing, and like decades later grew back and then some. I'm holding out hope for that!
I can say that I am looking forward to getting pregnant again, if only to have my curves back.
Small (no pun intended) price to pay for a lovely year of nursing, no? In the meantime, go braless! It's quite liberating!

Laura said...

Girl, you can have mine! I'm shaped just like my curvy mother, only she has a good 5 inches on me. That means she looked like a beauty pageant contestant and I look like a top-heavy troll. I'm going to treat myself to reduction surgery someday. And you know what really sucks? Jay isn't even a boob man!

mel said...

Just b/c it's kind of a "first world" problem, doesn't invalidate the fact that it is a problem for you. You are entitled to feel weird and unhappy about the changes your body is experiencing. It sucks b/c we're all socialized to think we're supposed to look a certain way and the realities are the pregnancy and feeding children do stuff that ppl don't talk about. Solidarity, sister. You are allowed to feel however you feel... but know that you are a totally lovely lady (as a complete stranger I realize my comments don't hold a lot of weight, however I'm writing it anyway). Also, I'm small up top and I always console myself by being grateful that I don't have to wear multiple sports bras to go runnning :) Take care!

Izzy said...

I think it does take a while to get your head around your body changing so much after baby. Most of my adult life I could go into a high street store and pick up clothes of the shelf without trying on and know what would fit and what would suit my shape/size. Now, because I'm still nursing, my boobs are waaayyyyy bigger than they used to be and I'm much bigger in general than I used to be. I have know idea what suits me any more and it's very disconcerting! Your completely entitled to be freaked out by it too even if it is at the opposite end of the spectrum!

Jaimie said...

I have had two kids and both times they did STRANGE things to my body. I weighed the same or less than my pre-pregnancy weight after having them, and my curves were in different spots than they used to be, so clothes weren't fitting right. It's very disconcerting regardless of whether you are big or small, under or overweight I think...we all deal with body issues especially after having kids. We get used to our bodies being a certain way, and learn to feel good about the way they are, and then they change and we have to begin that process all over again. It's a valid bothersome thing, and you shouldn't feel bad about feeling that way. They affect your every day. I have no magic words to make it better, but sometimes just knowing there are others out there that are going through it too validates your feelings. :)