But even beyond that, I feel like I've adjusted my attitude to her new behaviors, and started interpreting them a little differently, and that has really been the breakthrough. Wow, that was vague. But for instance--Willow says "No" to everything. As I've been told many toddlers do. Fine. But what bugged me was when she wouldn't just say "No," she would scream it--right off the bat, no buildup to a tantrum or anything. And I'd try to talk to her, to determine what it was she wanted to do--"You want to go for a walk?" "No!" "You want to stay home?" "No!" "So you want to go out?" "Yes!" "Okay, let's get your jacket." "No!" Etc.
And one day I was just so over it, so exhausted and annoyed with trying to figure out what she wanted, that I just kind of mocked her indecision. "No!" "Okay, no." "Yes!" "Yes." "No!" "No." "Yes!" "Yes." And while you'd think this would enrage her, it doesn't. She seems to find the rhythm of the back-and-forth calming, and eventually gets bored, and whatever it is she did or did not want to do is now past and the tantrum has been averted.
I don't think this method will work forever, but I feel like I've learned something from it--her emotions aren't necessarily what they appear to be. If I were to yell like that, I'd be really upset. But Willow isn't--or isn't for longer than that single moment. And so we're able to move on, and get out of the loop, and everything is just much easier, and much happier.
I'm writing this down so I remember it for later. Like when she's fifteen.
1 comment:
Ah, parenthood. The only constant is change. (You're doing fine, and you both shall survive.)
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