Tuesday, September 6, 2011


 Today it raineth.  And so begins our long period of solitude, cut off from the world by cold and a very long walk to the train.

Dave has been encouraging me to approach and make friends with various mothers on our block--I have ignored him, though I did join the Jersey City Moms meet-up group.  But I have to confess that I did that for Willow's benefit, and I am certain it will bring me only anxiety and general discomfort.  (I hate talking to people I don't know.  Self-defeating hang-ups are awesome).

I'm not saying I've never in my life felt loneliness--certainly I have.  But despite being alone with a toddler 90% of the time, I don't feel the slightest bit alone now.

Sure, you say.  Of course you don't feel lonely.  How can you, with someone constantly demanding to be read to, held, chased, fed, danced with, dressed, changed, protected, tickled?  But since that someone can only communicate by "datun," "nahnahnah," and general gobbledegook, Dave's concern about my potential loneliness is not unwarranted.

And yet I'm just not feeling it.  Partly I think it's because I've always liked being alone, but there is an awkwardness sometimes--like when you're eating alone in a restaurant, and you've forgotten a book.  Or going alone to the movies, or worse, to a concert.  I have done all these things, and I do not like them.  These are the things I don't like about being alone--and they no longer exist.  I always have someone to talk to in a restaurant, and soon enough she'll be talking back.  My days are spent with the person who brings me the most joy, and the most wonder.  How could there be room for loneliness?

Until of course she goes off to preschool/gradeschool/college.  Jersey City Moms group, how are you?  Let's be friends!

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