Friday, April 10, 2009

Things I Have Learned From Watching Twilight

(I think, at this point, anyone who cared to see Twilight already has, so I'm not going to feel terrible about being randomly spoilerish.)

1. I have reached that age where finding the stars of teen movies attractive feels downright pervy. I had multiple friends gasping and glowing and urging me to see the movie, and I looked at the photos and was all "meh" and watched the first third of the movie and was still "meh" and then suddenly "meh" turned to "mmm." But now it's sick and wrong! When did this happen?!

2. Toaster is obsessive compulsive. Not that this is anything I didn't know already, but it is occasionally made resoundingly, door-poundingly obvious, and his answering any question with the word "twilight" just kind of shined the light on his OCD tendencies. "Hey dude, how are you doing?" "Twilight." "Do you want milk or water with dinner?" "Twilight." "Did you do your homework?" "Twilight."

3. If there is a movie that I have the slightest interest in watching, I should not watch it with the kids. It is an exercise in pressing the pause button. And whatever Toaster's excitement in watching the movie, both of them were equally guilty.

RockNoodle: "Why is Edward being so mean to Bella?"
Dave: "Let's watch and find out."
Toaster: "Oh my God this is my favorite part!"
Nikki: "Okay, let's watch it then."
RockNoodle: "What's her name again? And why doesn't she live with her mom anymore?"
(pause, long explanation.)
Toaster: "You should cover your eyes, RockNoodle, this part is scary."
(pause, during which nothing happens) Nikki: "How was that scary?"
Toaster: "That was James standing there. He's scary."
Dave: "Let us be the judge, dude."
(pause, during which Nikki realizes she is in fact somewhat attracted to Mr. Robert Patterson, and isn't quite sure how she feels about that.)
Toaster: "Ohmygod, they're making out."
Nikki: "shhh..."

Repeat, ad nausaeum.

4. There sure is a lot of nice knitwear in this movie. Not just the mittens, everything. And it's got very nice music. Iron & Wine! Radiohead!

5. O, how I long for rain! And moss! And moss-covered sign-posts! And trees! And moss-covered trees! And the ocean, and rivers, and mist, and rain....

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