Today is Willow's 7 month birthday, and what are we doing to celebrate?
We are leaving her. It feels so wrong.
Dave and I had originally planned this a few weeks ago--we were going to leave Willow with RockNoodle & Toaster's mom, since she's someone Willow is comfortable with and obviously knows how not to kill babies, and we were going to go to the movies. (When I was pregnant, we talked about how seriously we were going to take care of our relationship, and how we were going to be proactive about that stuff, and we would have Toaster babysit from when she was three months old, and we would go out to dinner, and it would all be fine. Yeah right.)
We have since scaled back. We are going to have a beer, and we'll be gone for an hour. At most.
We aren't doing this for any suffering-marriage reasons; Dave and I were both kind of like, "this is pointless. I don't feel like I'm missing you, and I just kind of want to be with her." But it occurred to me yesterday as Dave took Willow home as I went to a Doctor's appointment, and I felt the devastation and fear of leaving her with Dave, that perhaps by seven months it was time to rip off the band-aid. And if I don't do it today, there will always be some reason to push it back.
It'll be fine. I need to learn that we'll both survive.