This post is about my breasts. There will be no pictures.
Near the top of my list of Reasons To Sleep Train Willow was not having to wear a bra at night. It's hot. And just weird. You'd think I'd be used to it after six months, but no.
Well, Willow, she be sleep-trained (I'd talk more about that, only I don't really have much to say. It worked pretty gosh darn well there for a while, but she's started backsliding, but either way it doesn't have much to do with me since it's Dave's job to get up and comfort her, not mine) and I'm still wearing a bra.
Because Willow has never taken a bottle, we gave back our pump--it was needed by its owner anyway. So my boobs had to go cold turkey on the night feedings, and they didn't much care for that. They got engorged. And one of the ducts on the left side stayed that way.
I have tried everything. Baths, warm compresses, massage, nursing in a weird 69ing position that Willow really disliked, and pretty much ignoring my right breast entirely. Nothing works. The lump, it is unchanged. It has been suggested that I need to get a pump and pump at night, but dear God, that's annoying. I made it through all these months without using a pump, but now I need to get one because my child is done nursing at night? And I finally get to stay in bed all night long, but now I need to get up and pump during the night? That's the most irritating thing I've ever heard, and I just can't bring myself to do it.
In any case, I think my breasts are slow learners. The right breast--the basically-unused and unblocked one--gets crazy full every night. It just won't get the message that its services aren't really required at this time.
What do you all suggest? Short of buying the pump, that is? (All right, if you really think the pump is the answer, say so, but I don't promise to listen). I'm so over this. It doesn't hurt, it continues to produce, it's just the threat of mastitis that's freaking me out. Last night I dreamt that I was in charge of feeding the fish at some wildlife refuge, and I needed to feed them by--you got it--breast. A fish came and latched on, and it felt all weird and really uncomfortable, and I was just kind of lying there underwater. And then another, bigger fish, spotted the nursing fish and was all, hey, he's distracted and exposed and vulnerable. I think I'll try to eat him. And so he clamped on to the nursing fish, and the nursing fish held on to my nipple for dear life, and the bigger fish tugged, and I screamed, and then all these other fish came and started biting on to various parts of me, and it really hurt, and I thrashed about and woke up in a panic.