I am breathing fire. Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhot.
I just had Thai Drunken Noodles for lunch. I always wondered why they were called Drunken Noodles, and now I know. It's like wisdom has been bestowed on me.* It's because the spiciness makes you breathe heavily and then you get lightheaded and feel drunk.
I seriously don't know what happened. My friend Mary and I ordered the lunch special, and sat down for a very tasty lunch. We are each well-versed in Drunken Noodles in particular and Thai food in general--in fact, I used to work at a Thai restaurant where the owner had me taste her super hot pad thai and frankly I don't think she has any taste buds left after eating that. This was not that hot. Otherwise we would be dead now.
But it was close. We sat there, sweating and panting and cursing at the food (for it was delicious, despite being so violent), to the amusement and disgust of the Korean intern who was patiently collating across the table from us.
Me: "Oh, God. I don't think I'm going to make it."
Mary: "What are you talking about? You have less than me!"
Me: "But my nose is running!"
Mary: "My face is itching from the sweat!"
Me: "Do you think..." pant, pant "we'll get used to it? Because it just seems to be getting worse!"
Mary: "My eyes are burning."
Intern: "You guys should get some milk."
Me: "We're sorry. We know we're being pathetic."
Intern: "Oh, you should see my family. Lots of blowing your nose at the table."
We did, in fact, finish. And then wandered around the office saying "We just at the spiciest food! And we know spicy! Can you believe it? Don't you think we should be rewarded for finishing?"
Nobody obliged. Or cared.
*joke stolen from Mary.